GameblurgKids Talking About the Future

You’ve been there before. You’re trying to talk, or listen to someone speak, and some inconsiderate moron walks up begins his/her own conversation with you, creating an annoyance of outside noise. That’s the feeling I get when I watch Attack of the Show.

For every “hi-jink” or “chuckle-worthy” segment, the camera crew, the interns, the receptionist, they’re all in the background, within ear shot of the camera, erupting with laughter. It feels as if they do this to legitimize the amusement in watching some kid crack his nuts for the 5th time during the show’s single telecast.

If you’re in dire need to release your joyous laughter because you can’t help but to laugh at dogs raping each other, I’m sure you can all find another room to do so in. No one watches the show to watch or hear you. Please go away.

For the past few weeks, I’ve struggled to return back to Resident Evil 5. I feel as if I need motivation to devote an hour of my day to something away from work. Foolishly, I imagined the compelling thought of a treading through a zombie infested wasteland would provide an enjoyable escape from the daily life behind me. But after forcing myself through a shamelessly dry beginning, I’ve just given up.

Capcom’s Resident Evil 5 is littered with hazardous gameplay. Aggravation and annoyance lie around every corner because someone decided that attending to a variety of simple simple issues would cripple a sloppy schedule.

Many of my problems revolve around the silly idea of making game’s experience easier to endure. Who would’ve thought that operating a game’s controls shouldn’t be a challenge? I should not struggle to operate my knife in the middle of rabid zombie dogs running full speed at me.

Other hazards that aid this game in sucking harder than it should:

The pacing drags the game along at a snail’s pace.
(Contributing factors include: Chris’ inability to do more than 1 thing at a time, unnecessary cut scenes, frequent pauses when encountering environment/objects.)

The game suffers as you enter sections where the environment is illuminated by a brilliant and believable sunlight. There are points during these situations where I loose track of where my aim is. Both elements just do not react well to one another.

The vital things I need to do in this game (killing stuff) require anal retentive button combinations. I refuse to get used to this overcomplicated way of simple commands. (LB+LR=Slice, LR+A=Reload) Meanwhile, the ‘X’ button remains an unoccupied option for user accessibility.

The power, or the lack of, felt during this game also discouraged me. When things get really hectic, when you’re supposed to spend that coveted 30 seconds of heightened excitement mowing zombies down is spend reloading or scrounging for ammo. I’d rather not play a game where I’m always running for cover and reduced to prey.

Depressing and disappointing, I grew. Gradually, I went from excitement, to boredom to agitation, to disinterest. Eventually, I grew tired of the game, and shut off the console. By the end off all of this, realization of Capcom’s moronic save system soaked in. I was aware, but I shrugged off Capcom’s inability to incorporate a manual saving mechanism, as I had little intention to return to this massive headache.

Played on Xbox 360, so excuse the references if you aren’t familiar with the layout. I’d assume a similar layout is established throughout the other systems.